Are You a People-Pleaser?

May 21, 2025

Why saying “yes” all the time feels even harder when you’re living abroad

Let’s be honest — people-pleasing doesn’t magically disappear when you relocate. In fact, for many expat women, it gets worse.

You move to a new city, start building a life from scratch, and suddenly every interaction feels like it carries more weight. You want to be liked. You want to be helpful. You want to belong.

And before you know it, you’re saying yes to every invite, every favor, every opportunity — even the ones that drain you.

1. Why people-pleasing intensifies abroad

Living far from home already comes with its emotional weight. Add in cultural differences, language gaps, and the pressure to “make it work” in a new environment, and you’ve got the perfect storm for boundary-blurring.

Many of us don’t want to seem rude, ungrateful, or high-maintenance — especially when we’re new. We fear missing out. We fear being left out. And we fear being seen as anything less than easygoing, grateful, and adaptable.

So we overextend. We say yes when we mean maybe. We attend events we don’t enjoy. We volunteer for things we don’t have energy for. We try to be everything to everyone — and silently burn out in the process.

2. What people-pleasing looks like in expat life

It’s not always obvious. Sometimes it sounds like:

“Sure, I’ll help with that — even though I have no time.”
“I’ll go… I don’t want to seem antisocial.”
“I’ll just say yes. I’m new here, I can’t afford to be picky.”

It shows up in the way we RSVP “yes” out of guilt. The way we avoid saying no to playdates, dinners, volunteer roles, or last-minute plans. The way we pretend we’re fine just to keep the peace.

And while generosity and kindness are beautiful qualities, they shouldn’t come at the cost of your own peace.

3. Why it matters

When you constantly say yes to avoid discomfort, you start abandoning yourself. You ignore your own needs. You teach yourself that keeping others comfortable is more important than being honest about what you can handle.

Over time, that kind of emotional self-neglect builds resentment. Exhaustion. Disconnection. And ironically, it often keeps you from forming the kind of real connections you’re working so hard to build.

4. How to start breaking the pattern (gently)

This isn’t about swinging to the other extreme. It’s about finding small ways to protect your energy — without guilt.

Here’s where you can begin:

✅ Pause before you say yes. Ask yourself: Do I want to do this, or do I feel like I should?

✅ Practice neutral no’s. You don’t owe anyone a dramatic explanation. Try: “I can’t make it this time, but thank you for thinking of me.”

✅ Let go of the idea that every opportunity is your only opportunity. There will be other events. Other chances to connect. You don’t have to do it all now.

✅ Be honest about your capacity. Not every season is a full season. It’s okay to have boundaries — even in a new city.

✅ Surround yourself with people who don’t expect you to overgive to earn your place.

You can be kind and still say no.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re not grateful, or generous, or warm. It just means you’re also taking care of you.

And in this season of life — far from home, figuring things out, building a life on new soil — that matters more than ever.

You deserve rest. You deserve space. You deserve connection that doesn’t require self-abandonment.

Let that be enough today.

💛 Want to explore this in real life? Join us for a coffee, a conversation, or even a quiet sit-in at one of our events. This community gets it — and we’d love to meet you.